In a session the other day, a client recognized a pattern that felt crappy—she realized she felt compelled to justify her needs and wants. A simple decision on whether or not to go to sleep early turned into an internal monologue that went something like this:
“I need to go to bed early because tomorrow is a really big day and I’m already getting home later than usual. And I’m getting over a cold… Then I have this and that to do.”
These thoughts can go on and on. Let’s be real, the to-do lists never end.
Click to read why ->
Logically, going to sleep early doesn’t require justification. But for some reason we get caught in this habit of needing there to be proof that we should do the things we know are right for us.
And you can bet your bottom dollar missy, if you’re doing this in your mind about something as innocuous as sleep, chances are good that you’re saying similar thoughts out loud to others. Maybe about how much help you get around the house, or your quantity of alone time, or the quality of sex you’re getting.
Trapped In The Shadow Maiden
The message we end up sending to ourselves and to those around us is that our needs and desires aren’t good enough as they are, that we need to provide supporting evidence that we’re worthy. Worthy of receiving. Worthy of feeling our enough-ness. When we go out of our way to provide a sophisticated court case for our decisions, we’re in our Shadow Maiden.
The Maiden in her gold aspect is our emotional guidance system. The one who allows us to make heart-to-heart connections and experience joy. However, when we’re in our Shadow Maiden, she can simmer in the fear of judgment. It can be soul crushing to give in to that anxiety, so she protects herself by “people pleasing,” thus surrendering who she is.
Embracing the Gold Queen
While the Maiden is a bad-ass at play, creativity, and spontaneity, she makes terrible choices.
Since that’s not in her job description anyway, let her off the hook!
Hand the decision-making process over to our Gold Queen. Since she holds the bigger picture of our lives and doesn’t fall prey to other’s opinions, she can be concise and confident when charting the course ahead.
In the case of going to sleep early, she knows it’ll allow her to be rested and be more effective the next day. That’s it! There’s none of that anxious mind chatter the Shadow Maiden can be prone to
You Are Worthy
The more we move away from the fearful Shadow Maiden, the closer we get to the clarity and grace of the Gold Queen. When we’re living from a place of expansiveness, we're more present to the juicy moments of life and we move more effortlessly toward our vision for helping the world.
The best way to move out of the shadow and into gold is to consistently invoke the Queen before stating your wants.
In this video, I offer a quick guided meditation to help you do just that!
Sit with me and learn how to find your Queen Posture to help to squelch this kind of mindset.
If you’d like to delve deeper into understanding your Queen, join the 5 Day Reclaim Your Crown Challenge!