Over the weekend, I fell into a common Shadow Maiden trap: Compare & Despair.
It happened when I ran into an old friend and suddenly found myself noticing how perfect she is—gorgeous, kind, genius, and funny, with legs for days and a high-profile job. She has all the things.
But in this Compare & Despair trap, the Shadow Maiden is telling us we’re "less than," "not enough," and "not worthy.”
When we're operating out of this shadow, it also causes our Queen archetype to shrink. In this place of contraction, we end up hiding our gifts because they’re not the same as someone else’s.
Stuck in this place of gift shaming, we’re not taking action steps toward the vision for our life and definitely not making the world any better.
And in case you need reminding—the world needs all of us to celebrate the gifts we have and use them for the benefit of all.
So while I was sulking in my shadow, I walked over to my garden to the freshly opened peonies, stuck my nose deep in the petals and sniffed.
I don’t think I’d ever smelled them before. Have you?
Then it hit me.
Do these beautiful flowers stop being their most vibrant because they don’t smell like a lilac?
Do I appreciate their beauty any less because they’re not “perfect” in every way?
No forking way!!
But that’s what we do to ourselves sometimes, isn’t it?
When you look around and see what others have that you don’t, we devalue our own unique magic.
So please my darling, YOU go on being YOU.
Enjoy the juicy moments of YOUR life.
Celebrate the attributes you do have and honor what others have.
Because it means they’re helping the world in a way you can’t.
And vice versa.
So if you fall into a Maiden shadow trap, I want you to:
Put your hand on your heart.
Repeat this mantra, “I am enough. I am lovable.”
If you need to, add, “‘Cause Lynn said so.”
Then text me and confirm it.
If you’d like to delve deeper into understanding your Queen, join the 5 Day Reclaim Your Crown Challenge.
Are you experiencing emotional stress—ranging from feeling unsettled to full blown depression—because of climate change?
Sweetheart, I get it. I’ve been there!
The new reports coming out paint a dire picture and it can be overwhelming.
When these facts come up against your Queen archetype, bad things can happen. Why?
Because one attribute of a Queen in gold is the desire to protect her kingdom and leave it beautiful, safe, and thriving for those who will inherit it.
Your Gold Queen is trying so hard to do that, but other people keep mucking it up!
In the end, the inner turmoil gets to be so much that you may end up an ugly, crying mess on the floor or hulking out at everyone in a MAGA hat.
This is not helpful. (Sorry, but it had to be said.)
I’ve got some helpful tips… however, the specific action steps depend on your level of anxiety and how your emotions come out.
When you hear the statistics about climate chaos, do you find yourself feeling sad and scared? Or do you launch into anger and rage?
If it’s the former, your Maiden archetype may need a rest, so her nervous system can recuperate. If this is you, your actions steps are in the Maiden section.
However, if you’re on the path of righteous rage, your Warrior archetype may be ready to channel that energy into action. If so, your checklist is in the Warrior section.
If you oscillate back and forth between defeated sadness and actionable anger, my recommendation is to pay close attention to what your soul needs in the moment. Then, honor yourself by doing what your heart and body needs. If you’re not sure what you need, take a deep breathe and ask yourself, “What would love do?”
Regardless if you’re team Maiden or team Warrior on this issue, everyone would benefit from these three things:
Honor The Maiden
Stop These Two Things:
Do These Two Things:
Be gentle with yourself, sweet human. Your sensitivity is a gift. Honor it.
Honor The Warrior
Do These Three Things:
Go forth climate warrior! Until you need rest. Then rest.
If you are finding yourself in a dark place or having suicidal thoughts, please reach out immediately to a Crisis Text Line.
In a session the other day, a client recognized a pattern that felt crappy—she realized she felt compelled to justify her needs and wants. A simple decision on whether or not to go to sleep early turned into an internal monologue that went something like this:
“I need to go to bed early because tomorrow is a really big day and I’m already getting home later than usual. And I’m getting over a cold… Then I have this and that to do.”
These thoughts can go on and on. Let’s be real, the to-do lists never end.
Logically, going to sleep early doesn’t require justification. But for some reason we get caught in this habit of needing there to be proof that we should do the things we know are right for us.
And you can bet your bottom dollar missy, if you’re doing this in your mind about something as innocuous as sleep, chances are good that you’re saying similar thoughts out loud to others. Maybe about how much help you get around the house, or your quantity of alone time, or the quality of sex you’re getting.
Trapped In The Shadow Maiden
The message we end up sending to ourselves and to those around us is that our needs and desires aren’t good enough as they are, that we need to provide supporting evidence that we’re worthy. Worthy of receiving. Worthy of feeling our enough-ness. When we go out of our way to provide a sophisticated court case for our decisions, we’re in our Shadow Maiden.
The Maiden in her gold aspect is our emotional guidance system. The one who allows us to make heart-to-heart connections and experience joy. However, when we’re in our Shadow Maiden, she can simmer in the fear of judgment. It can be soul crushing to give in to that anxiety, so she protects herself by “people pleasing,” thus surrendering who she is.
Embracing the Golden Queen
While the Maiden is a bad-ass at play, creativity, and spontaneity, she makes terrible choices.
Since that’s not in her job description anyway, let her off the hook!
Hand the decision-making process over to our Gold Queen. Since she holds the bigger picture of our lives and doesn’t fall prey to other’s opinions, she can be concise and confident when charting the course ahead.
In the case of going to sleep early, she knows it’ll allow her to be rested and be more effective the next day. That’s it! There’s none of that anxious mind chatter the Shadow Maiden can be prone to
You Are Worthy
The more we move away from the fearful Shadow Maiden, the closer we get to the clarity and grace of the Gold Queen. When we’re living from a place of expansiveness, we're more present to the juicy moments of life and we move more effortlessly toward our vision for helping the world.
The best way to move out of the shadow and into gold is to consistently invoke the Queen before stating your wants.
In this video, I offer a quick guided meditation to help you do just that! **LINK TO VID**
Sit with me and learn how to find your Queen Posture to help to squelch this kind of mindset.
If you’d like to delve deeper into understanding your Queen, join the 5 Day Reclaim Your Crown Challenge!